Last year, when Lauren and I found out we were pregnant I was like 75% scared and 25% excited. We had no plans to have a baby yet. But there we were, expecting one. I’m not sure it’s something you’re ever ready for. But it’s best to at least be planning for it a little bit. (Apparently I married into a fertile family)

When we lost the baby, it was so early in the pregnancy I had a hard time connecting with it. We we’re scared/excited for a couple of weeks. Then just scared shitless for one more. And then just immensely sad. But through all of that, it was hard to feel it was connected to a child. It was more like this roller coaster of expectation changing that Lauren and I went on. One of the most brutal parts about it, was how it affected us differently. How we could be so far apart on the sad to happy spectrum on an hourly basis.

This year we were more ready. Not like planning ready. But it was at least something we had talked about. I think we’d hoped to get settled into Knoxville before Munchkin (that’s what I’m calling him/her) came along, but it wasn’t devastating to have to adjust to new expectations.

Now here we are, less than six months from bringing a human life into the world. Our future nursery is currently the cats’ bedroom, which basically means a room full of unpacked boxes. I’m unemployed and Lauren is just getting started acquiring clients (If you’re in Knoxville and looking for a counselor or someone to talk to, I highly recommend her). And we don’t even have a dog yet. I thought for sure we’d have to get a dog before we could have a baby.

Yet, despite all those concerns, I can’t help but feel like we’re way more ready for this than we were a year ago. I’m confident that God will provide the right opportunities for us to support this child. I’m trying hard to not be closed off to the job opportunities my family brings me. And speaking of my family, the idea of raising a child is made a million times easier knowing the support we have here in Knoxville.

I guess what I’m saying is my excited to scared ratio is much more balanced this time. So that’s good right?